Be Honest–You’re Not That Into Him Either audiobook

All those books about searching for love, finding the right man, getting the right man, getting him to the altar, getting married by age 30, 40, 50 are shot down in flames by this no-nonsense book about the high price of settling just so you don’t die an old maid. So what’s wrong with being single? Nothing! What’s so great about the endless search for love? Nada! Dr. Kerner feels that it’s high time women stopped looking at Cosmopolitan and started finding fulfillment in being alone. There’s nothing wrong with love but our society is really off kilter when we craft reality shows about netting a rich husband like he’s nothing more than a prize on a game show. His chapters about not buying into the myth of happily ever after feel like a wholesome breath of fresh air and I’d gladly recommend them to anyone who’s bewailing the fact that she’s still unmarried when she’s no longer in her twenties.

I love this book. Kerner has a raw, honest, nonbiased, devils advocate way of looking into the world of dating for women. I started reading this book and honestly can't put it down. He really challenges you to look at things from all sides. Yes women have been sexual liberated, but what does that really mean? He makes you think for yourself, constantly asking questions and letting you figure out the answer that's right for you as a person. With that said, I think this book is not for everyone. Like if you're in your early to mid twenties, for one you won't even understand most of the sex in the city references. You're from a generation that is way more sexually desensitized, so having sex with no attachments might be easier for you. Or not having sex period either way, sex to your generation not that big of a deal. If you're over forty or just really conservative I feel maybe you might be a little to conservative for this book, and how blunt it can be. Like if the idea of one-night-stands appauls you, its safe to say this isn't the book for you. Not that he glorifies the one-nighter at all, but he does acknowledge that people have them and more often than most people would like to admit.This was a fantastic read for me and maybe for you as well. Just if you don't understand don't knock it, it just wasn't the right book for you.

Much like "He's Just Not That Into You," this book turns the tables and shines the spotlight on the fact that we as women are very quick to "settle." Kerner states that many times, we see the problems with our mate, but choose to ignore them so that we do not have to be alone.The behaviors and scenarios presented in this book are hilarious, as well as true. I found myself highlighting sections and writing the names of my ex-boyfriends next to them. I found it very refreshing for a male author to admit to the many crazy behaviors exhibited by men. The fact that Kerner seems to be a champion for women is even better.Most importantly, he encourages women to raise their standards and seek out the love that they are worthy of. This book is very empowering and forces women to take a good look at not only their mate, but, themselves as well. A must read for everyone!

Don Juan: "There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love."Scrolling down the reviews and I haven't found a single guy who read this. This book came to my attention after I read Kerner's other more well-known work (She Comes First) and thought it would be interesting to explore other perspectives. I was not disappointed. The story at the end from his wife was also an amusing read.The dream: "When it works, it's easy. He wants to see you. You want to see him. There are not doubts, excuses, maybes, or buts. You don't have to analyse the relationship. There are no games." ___"Are you waiting for someone?" "Yeah I'm seeing this guy and he said he'd stop by, and I know I look like a real idiot, but I'm really into him." He shook his head and said: "But you're so beautiful, and you seem intelligent. Why would you do this to yourself? If you can't get his act together to come here then you're obviously way too good for him. Why are you wasting your time?" I nodded contemplatively and then did what all girls do when struck with an insight this intense and on-target: ordered another vodka tonic and went out onto the sidewalk to see if he was coming.The cure is simple, universally effective, and yet strangely elusive. It can be as hard to locate as the flu vaccine, but when you find it, your sense of well being sets in almost immediately. What is this magical antidote?Pride.The reason pride can be so elusive for women is because it often comes hand in hand with accepting that things weren't meant to be, and accepting this can be painful, depressing, and lonely. But the sadness fades. The recovery never takes nearly as long as the months of floundering in nonrelationships.What has struck me most over the past year or so is not the inability of women to read men's all-too-clear signs of relative disinterest but women's passive decisions to sleep with, date, and ultimately fall in love with men they never really liked in the first place.Women sleep with men for a variety of reasons that have little to do with their libido. If you're aware of this, great. Go for it. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences that may arise. But if you're looking to repair your self-esteem or exorcise the ghosts of boyfriends past through casual sex, you're probably setting yourself up for a disappointment.The point is this: You can treat sex lightly but it doesn't reciprocate. Sex matters. There are biological and evolutionary forces at work every time you have sex, so just be honest with yourself about why you're doing it in the first place.From a purely orgasmic point of view, women in relationships fare far better than single women.Unlike corporate executives and politicians, your orgasms never lie. They tell you the truth about a sexual encounter, whether you want to know it or not. If there's nothign to attach to, if there's no deeper emotional content or meaningfulness, orgasm becomes a reminder of the hollowness of the sex that preceded it (post-orgasm regret). This typically manifests itself as sadness or anger.Sex is powerful stuff and one of the downsides of having it casually is that it devalues a core component of the courtship process: what I tend to call the dance. Not to say you can't have casual sex, fall in love, and live happily ever after, but it's less likely, and certainly more of a challenge, when you consider how we're wired. The truth is that nature rigged our wiring long before contraception and the sexual revolution overhauled the system.Three types of erections:Psychogenic erection - produced by erotic stimuli (mainly audio and visual), the "brain erection".Reflect erection - produced by direct genital stimulation, the "body erection".Nocturnal erections - occur spontaneously during REM cycles. the "morning wood". Men are more able to compartmentalise love and sex, which allows them to have sex without emotion. But that does not mean they don't want the emotion.Men may be more easily aroused but that does not make them any less fundamentally interested in romantic or emotionally based love.Art is the lie that tells the truth - Picasso. Let the thing (in-the-meantime relationship) speak for you and eventually ir will speak for itself. The image will become the truth, leaving the motivation underlying it far behind and forgotten.Many of us have never spent any significant period of time alone. We go from our families to college to roommates and into relationships. We're become good at dealing with others but often at the expense of learning how to deal with ourselves. And in today's interconnected technology-driven landscape, we can easily avoid that sort of internal dialogue and introspection that forces self-reflection and -realisation.Magazines like Playboy are created for the male gaze, and magazines like Cosmo are created for women who view themselves through the male gaze. Women have internalised the male gaze, and it follows them everywhere.This leads many women to a crisis in confidence, whereby their value is based on the judgment of all men, echoed by the man they happen to be dating. If they are not dating anybody, the problem intensifies.The trade-off for trying to be so independent is that you've meanwhile missed your chance to find a man. The good ones were swept up by the more conservative girls, and now all you can do is lower your standards or stay single forever. But let me just say this to all of you loud and clear: Bullshit!According to Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, codirector of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers U, women who wait longer to marry are more mature, more financially secure, and have a better sense of who they could happily spend their lives with than those who marry early.I came to understand that commitment-phobes are not only unable to commit to "yes", they are also incapable of committing to the "no." They keep the door open, giving their partners false hope.The only thing worse than being single and miserable is being married and miserable. If you lower your standards now, you'll be paying for it in years to come. Michelle realises she should probably have stuck to her guns and declined the invitation. She realised that she and Cathy had nothing in common, and it's not worth putting yourself into situations where she has to feign interest or emotion.Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Don't get wrapped up in finding or keeping a man, resorting to rules and tactics and playing the numbers game. Learn to stop succumbing to the pressure to achieve coupledom. That way, when the real thing comes along, you will be ready, willing, and able to jump in with both feet, not caught on some infernal treadmill where you wouldn't know the real thing if it slapped you in the fanny pack.Love at first sight is a false conceit; people confuse it for chemistry, which, while important, is just a fraction of what makes a relationship work.When it works, it's easy. He wants to see you. You want to see him. There are no doubts, excuses, maybes, or buts. You don't have to analyse the relationship. There are no games. I realised that love is sort of like that song (Sesame Street: "one of these things doesn't belong") - you need to know what belongs and what doesn't but you can only do that by really knowing yourself. All of my life I had settled for people who didn't belong. It took a while but I finally found the one who truly belongs. And if I can do it, so can you.

I am surprised I had never heard of this little love self help gem before...But it crossed my circulation desk last week and I thought, oh this is just what I need to read! I rather like being single but sometimes...well a girl get lonely. It was a little disconcerting to see many of my behaviors written in black and white...but I enjoyed the breezy casual style and I did finish the book in a place of hope, not a place of despair. I recommend this book for all my single ladies!

This was it. This was the last book I read before I ditched men and started dating women in earnest.

I admit to having a streak of vicious hatred in my heart for the seeming hundreds of thousands of books dedicated to women who, sheeplike, continue to adore men who are genetically inferior to pond algae. "Women Who Love Men Who Hate Them", "He Doesn't Love Me, But I Stand By My Man", "He's Not that Into You". I am weary of self-help books to begin with, but these just make me sick. This one amused me.

I can't say enough about how much I love this book. I read it after I got out of a bad relationship (one in a string of many, I am sorry to say) and it really illuminated the patterns I was falling into and why I kept making the same relationship mistakes again and again. I loved this book so much that I actually tracked down the email address of the author and thanked him for this book. I can't say enough good things about it!

Much better than "He's Just Not That Into You."It actually deals with why women languish in relationships when we *know* it isn't the one...Kinda empowering. He totally encourages women to do what they need to in the moment, while being cognizant of potential trip-ups. Also very funny.

I liked this book. Kerner offers encouraging advice to those of us trying to navigate the tricky world of dating and trying to figure out who and what we want. I wish this wasn't a library book b/c I would love to have it to refer back to from time to time when I feel a little discouraged with dating and all it's complications. I may need to go buy myself a copy...

Very repetitive messages, but excellent advice. Ian acknowledges that every person is different and at he basically closes each chapter with the sentiment "you do you, but this might be a better approach..." I enjoyed it. Think I have a much better grasp of how to raise my dating standards before settling or getting hurt like so many do on the "dating treadmill."

Loved it!!!! I am definately the girl who stays with a guy just because I want everyone to want me. It's a nice addition to "he's just not that into you" because some guys, I could care less whether or not they are into me!

I have to admit, I liked this book better than "He's Just Not That Into You". This book was more about realizing the reasons you do what you do when it comes to guys; coming to terms with why you shouldn't lower your standards; and how to deal with it all.